Vampire Boogies
by tora.of.the.sand
Summary: A series of short, humerous one-shots that are set during the Twilight book series. Rated T just in case. Ideas welcome.
1. Vampire Boogies

**AN-- Have fun with this first one-shot!!**

_Set in the first book, Twilight. In the Meadow_

I looked at Edward's perfect face as it shown in the sunlight. His eyes were closed and a slight smile was upon his lips. I sighed softly.

Edward's eyes opened suddenly and he gave me a quizzical look, "Why the sigh?" he asked in his musical voice. I looked toward the sky and back at him, wondering if I should answer. When I took too long to figure out how to form my words his face got clouded with frustration. "This is _so_ frustrating," he said softly, I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, not hearing my thoughts like a _normal_ person is _so_ frustrating," I retorted. I looked at the sky again and then into his butter-scotch eyes.

"I was wondering how such a wonderful creature like you could love someone like… _me,_" I pointed to him and then to me and then put my hand back into my lap.

Edward chuckled, "You are so wrong." he looked at me and smiled softly, "I am _not_ a wonderful creature, I'm a monster and I am wondering how _I _came to get _you_." He smiled and took my hand. He looked away, deep in thought and I had the most uncontrollable urge to touch his face. Just to feel the smooth skin of his cheeks and touch the dark circles under his eyes. I lifted my hand slowly, and reached toward his face.

I was about to touch his face but he turned his head back to me suddenly and my finger went right…

…

…

Into…

…

…

His. Nose.

"Ew!" I exclaimed, pulling my finger out of his nostril, "Vampire boogies!"

**AN-- Hahahahahaha….. I love the idea of that happening… I can so picture that happening!! So that was the first of a series of short one-shots, hope you liked!!**

**DISCLAIMER-- I DON'T OWN ANYTHING FROM TWILIGHT BUT THE IDEAS THAT I SUDDENLY AQUIRE!! DON'T SUE ME. **


	2. Eyeball Juice

**AN-- Okay, so here I am bringing you another one-shot of amazingness!! I can't believe I got two reviews on the first day I posted this series too! WOW!! Awesome!!**

I sat with Edward on the couch at his house, watching a movie. It was Saturday and I was plagued with a cold but Charlie was fishing and I came here to 'help help with healing', or at least that's was Alice had told Charlie. He didn't know I was here to spend time with Edward.

I pulled the box of tissues to me and took one out, blowing my nose for the umpteenth time. I still don't know what Edward sees in me… especially when I had a cold that caused my nose to be red and run constantly and I always coughed, bringing up lovely _green stuff_. I threw the now-snotty tissue into the trashcan by the couch and culled up next to Edward, the thick, soft, white blanket he made me use wrapped around my shoulders.

"Ugh," I complained, "I hate this!" Of course when I said this I sounded like a had a severe speaking-impediment and it came out all warbled but he understood me all the same.

Edward kissed the top of my head, "It's just a cold, it will pass." He chuckled at my tortured expression.

"Are _you_ the one that has to deal with this stupid cold?" I muttered frostily. I unwrapped my hands from the blanket quickly and covered my face. Sneezing loudly. I felt another sneeze coming on and I pulled away from Edward's embrace and covered my face just in time.

"God bless you," he said with amusement. I faced him and glared with all the annoyance I could manage, which was actually quite a lot because I had been building up a great quantity of annoyance since this cold started. Yet, apparently my glare was just amusing because Edward laughed, a deep musical laugh that made me almost forget my anger. Almost.

I was about to retort when I felt another tug on my sinuses, I covered my face and sneezed _hard_. I then noticed, mid-sneeze, that my eyes were open and this caused a spout of water to leave my eye and hit Edward in the face. Once my sneeze was done I took my hands away and looked at his shocked and disgusted face.

The spout of water had landed smack-dab in the middle of his face. I doubled over laughing and fell off the couch with how hard I was laughing. I didn't even notice the minute pain that came with falling off the couch, I was too amused. I stopped chortling and saw him wipe his face with a tissue.

"So…" I started in a conversational way, "How did you like my eye-ball juice?"

**AN-- Haha, I love this one almost as much as Vampire Boogies! And that actually DID happen to my friend once! She sneezed with her eyes open and a spurt of water came out of her eyes! Haha…. It was hilarious….**

**DISCLAIMER-- I only own the idea, nothing else!**


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